Ever browsed job postings for fun, only to spiral into a pit of existential despair? Yea, relatable. 

 

Some jobs sound fantastic—until you reach the “required experience” section and it leaves you breathless—the bad kind of shock and awe. 

 

Unsurprisingly, boomers—80 to 90 million-year-olds—are still clogging up the job market; they’re the only ones old enough to meet those qualifications.

 

Those job listings exhaust you before you even apply. 

First comes the mandatory fluff: inflated mission statements, over-hyped company benefits, unknown awards framed over a “Wall of Success,” and history lessons about founders who aren’t even on Wikipedia. 

 

And then, the real fun begins, the job requirement debut:

• 5 years of operational management

• 3 years of HR and recruitment services

• 7 years of team leadership

• 2+ years of sales experience

• 7 years of just showing up and eating shit 

• 3+ years of zero slack-off

• 3 ½ of picking up everyone else’s slack 

• 4 years of quietly doing everyone’s job while your boss takes the credit

 

But wait—there’s more!

The job listing now dives into “preferred qualifications” just in case you had an ounce of hope left. 

 

If your generation did not fight in a major World War—you’re already disqualified. 

 

And the cherry on top? 

A “competitive salary” boldly advertised, yet never specified. 

 

You are so immensely underqualified, you don’t even deserve a call back. Not even an email rejection. Actually, it would be better if everyone pretended that you never even looked at that job listing—let alone thought of applying for it. 

 

At this point, China’s plan to dominate the world’s economy makes perfect sense. No tedious Child Labor laws to slow down progress.

 

Imagine this: 

The kid that’s stuffing your teddy bear today in some remote region in China is going to own that factory before puberty. 

By 21, they’ll be Chief Economic Officer of SouthEast Asia. 

By 30, they’ll own half the real estate in your zip code.

 

Meanwhile, you’re over here with an unfinished associate’s degree, $70K in debt, and a resume that can’t even catch a bot’s attention. 

 

Forget about child labor laws. Fetuses need to start gaining work experience in utero for a future fair fight in today’s economy. 

 

Good luck out there. 

On to the next depressing job posting.