It’s a dream to be in management, isn’t it? Well… it depends on the day. Being a manager is really just a glorified babysitting gig—except the toddlers are taller, have email access and legally require a paycheck. 

 

I’d like to regretfully report that I am a manager (Unregrettably if my boss is reading this. Surrounded in parentheses for legal and emotional protection.) Generally speaking, I contain chaos, tame tantrums and occasionally do actual work. 

 

I’ll admit: managing people is no small task. Any manager could tell you that, even a mediocre one. But that’s what I get for sucking up to the boss just a little too convincingly. 

 

Was it a real promotion? That’s debatable but HR thought so. I got the title, not the raise. But that’s okay because I was promised the “experience of a lifetime”. And oh boy—experience? Delivered. 

 

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. First, let me introduce you to my daily dose of theatrical performance brought to you by my Cast of Characters. They’re fun. They’re brave. They keep me on my toes—and sometimes they keep me rolling over in my grave. And I’m not even dead yet. Emotionally? Maybe. But that’s besides the point. 

 

Let’s dive into the cast. Fair warning: some might be slightly exaggerated. The rest are walking lawsuits waiting to happen.

 

The Core Cast:

• The Drama Queen - everything is a crisis.

  • This one happens to be the complainer and the overly emotional one. The opportunity to dramatize everything presents itself like a Hollywood agent scouting talent: it’s always there and shows up when you least expect it. 

  • A spilled coffee becomes a plot twist. A minor schedule change turns into full blown character betrayal. This one does not clock in—they enter the scene, monologue ready. 

• The Exaggerator - every story is on steroids. 

  • This character is usually overdoing it at any given moment they’re allowed to speak—or think. Their narratives are supposed to be told from a human perspective, but instead resemble intricate sightings of BigFoot in the North Pole… hunting for alligators. 

  • The story might make sense, but only to a child with no grasp of human behavior. Even Tarzan would spot the flaws. 

• The Macho One - pure testosterone.  

  • He talks, walks and spits masculinity. He looks at his colleagues to smite and objectify them—and that’s his male counterparts. 

  • The females? He eats them alive. 

• The Delicate One - feeds off emotional landmines. 

  • This character is offended by you, near you and for you. 

  • This character is the antonym of the macho, and they’re always engaged in side-conversations, the kind laced with booby traps. The workplace is a battlefield, and they’ve memorized the HR manual like it’s their favorite weekend read. 

• The Workaholic - always there. Sometimes clocked in. 

  • Always annoying, sometimes helpful. They hardly complain, and constantly offer to cover everyone’s shift. 

  • They look like they haven’t slept since the ‘90s, and always respond with, “yea, I gotchyo!” 

• The Not-Much One - doesn’t do much. But is somehow vital. 

  • They might lack work ethic, but they excel in reliability.

  • You see them at work often—just… not really doing much. They could be half way up Mount Everest and still show up for Friday night closing shift. We don’t ask how, we just nod in respect. 

 

Aside from the core cast, there’s usually someone as mysterious as their title. Let me introduce you to the The Special Appearance Character: 

• The mysterious one - beautiful. Mythical. Untouchable.  

  • They’re good-looking. They’re fun. They’re charming and almost too easy-going. 

  • Everyone adores them, partly because no one gets enough of them.

  • They show up occasionally—maybe even once a month. No one really knows what they do, they’re just always referred to as “corporate.” When they show up, training is happening, success is emitting, sales are skyrocketing, and somehow that old printer is now functioning again.

  • Then, poof—gone again. 

  • Always on payroll. Always legendary. 

 

While I might be the one managing the cast of characters from hell, let’s not forget about the one who manages me—aka the “big boss”. That’s not a reference to her size. It is, however, a reference to her pure unadulterated ego. It weighs heavy. 

How does the saying go… “heavy are the shoulders that carry the ego”? 

Yep, that’s the one. 

 

The truth is, it doesn’t matter what you do or what industry you’re in—we’ve all got the same workplace archetypes around us. 

 

And if you’re just shaking your head like, “nope, we don’t have those characters at my job,” well… then it’s you! You’re all of them. And everyone avoids you like it’s part of their contract. 

 

Stay tuned… Because I haven’t even introduced you to the worst character yet—the customer.